I have been with a lot of men, and I don’t regret any of it, sometimes it isn’t in your hands to judge the authenticity of other person’s emotions, sometimes your fate doesn’t easily hand you over the shore until it completely breaks you with high tides and broken hearts.
It teaches you who’s right for you and awakens you about how exactly you want yourself to be treated.
I don’t regret being with a lot of men, I regret not being with the one who loved me with all his bits and pieces. He would not only cross oceans for me, he would make sure the ocean in my eyes never flows out. He loved me like no one else ever could or possibly ever will, and yes, he did what now seems to me the greatest form of love, he waited, he waited for me for the majority of his life, in fact the way he treated me made me understood what I exactly want out of my partner. But then I did exactly what he did not deserve, I broke his heart, I looked straight into his eyes and ignored all the forevers that I saw in his.
The other day, 10 years down the road, I saw him sitting at my favorite coffee shop. I felt tides in my stomach seeing the love I have craved all these years sitting in front of me, but the least I could do was stand at a distance and observe how he has grown and changed all these years.
He had grown a beard, the kind of I always pushed him for during the days of our lives. But it also tells me how he has aged over the years in my wait.
His eyes, I swear to god his eyes reflects his innocence, but it also reflects an untamed fire, that has led him to immense success, to the kind of life he always wanted to live.
His hands though are still the same, the veins all over, doing exactly what they are meant for, writing the best selling novels, one after the other, all these years.
Some of the excerpts in his novels are an exact portrayal of the days we spent, which tells me that he still remembers each and every moment in which we lived a thousand lives.
And his smile, I can bet my world on it, he has a smile that could light up a dark room into a galaxy, though he uses it less often now, a mystery surrounds him now, he seems engulfed in thousands of thoughts,
and for the first time in my life I wished he was thinking about me.
– CA Nitin Kaushik (a poet, writer & a modern age philosopher)
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