Letters to my Ex

And as I sit here in solace, reading another heart breaker of Nikita Singh (the author) and all of her letters written to her ex, I wonder if I will ever be able to write one to you.

I still have so much to say,

over the years, just like my beard which you pushed me to keep, has grown, I have grown too.

However this fact will always pain me that my growing into a man came with bitterness. It came with my habit of questioning everyone, all their good deeds and their intentions (towards me or towards the world that now was irrelevant to me). 

I remember how I would look at everyone with disdain. I have always refused to admit that for some years, I had started to hate every person who looked happy to me, be it a friend or a stranger. And this emotion came with a lot of guilt for I was realizing the kind of man I was turning into.

Somewhere deep down I felt that life had been unfair to me in terms of love. I loved you with an intensity that could turn volcanoes into beautiful valleys, but in return you couldn’t love me half as much as I will always love you.

But then, I guess it was all you ever had to even yourself to love.

But at least I grew, I matured, I planned my moves, I stopped believing everyone’s “Forever promises“. I stopped expecting people to go out of their way to make sure I am fine, even though I always did.

Yes, I cursed my friendships with almost everyone, I declared it to myself that they were not there for me for long enough. They gave up, they stopped checking upon me, and as I grew out “the idea of love”, to an extent I also grew out of the idea of forever friendships or forever bonds as well.

I questioned myself too, I went too deep into scrutinizing myself to find answers to why I wasn’t enough good for you to not let me go, or I should put it as, for not letting me stop you from going away.

I still have many questions, that I keep asking anonymously on my Instagram page, the questions that a lot of people are willing to answer, but I only want you to. 

I don’t think I will ever be able to write any letters to you, after all, it wasn’t me who left.

by CA Nitin Kaushik

Check out my last post “Let me caress your soul” & “I have been with a lot of men

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Alka · May 22, 2020 at 20:51

app k likhe harr ek word ko sidhe dil me jgah mil jati ho. phir baat jab mohabbat me likhe alfazo ki ho to spark of the emotions alg hi level ka hota hai. tariff Bayyan krne ko shabdd nahi hote.
itna dil se eel kbi kisi ke alfazo me nahi hua hai. and baki rahi baat pyarr ki to ap k dil me ab b uss insan k liy bahot pyarrr nazar aata hai.
shayad hi koi kisi ko itna pyarr bina expectations ke karr paye. parrr app ki baat hi kuch alag hai as I already told you.

    admin · May 22, 2020 at 21:25

    thank you soo much Alka
    Being a regular instagram supporter you know how much I love these long txt appreciations. Jab koi bilkul raw emotions bilkul saaf alfazo mein bayan karta hai toh khoobsurti aur badh jaati hain
    thanks for taking the effort of coming across the blog all by yourself
    and thank you for appreciation

1aircraft · February 17, 2022 at 19:28


Where Rainbows End - Imaginary Lands Stories · June 5, 2020 at 19:23

[…] now as I sit putting all your letters to fire one by […]

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